Newspaper Archive of
N. Warren Town and County News
Norwalk, Iowa
August 22, 2019     N. Warren Town and County News
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August 22, 2019

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Thursday, August 22, 2019 N/Warren Town and County News Page Eleven Siri, Cortana, and Alexa Walk into A Bar By Dorothy Rosby (Dear reader, what follows is a true story that I made up. In other words, it didn't happen, but it really could have.) Ann told a group of us having lunch that her husband is having an affair. "We met her while we were traveling and we both liked her right away, but Jeff really fell for her. Her name is Garmin Nuvi." "Well, that two-timing sleaze," I said. "Jeff?." "No, Garmin. My husband loves her too. She's so smart and unlike me, she's good with directions. I can't compete with that." Ann explained to the others at the table, "Garmin is a GPS, and I'm not surprised men find her attractive. She's not a cheap date, but she is low maintenance. She doesn't fiddle with the radio or complain about the air conditioning." "She never has to stop to use the restroom," I added. "And she doesn't sleep across entire states - unless he wants her to." "I bet she doesn't get grumpy when she's hungry either," said Karen who has traveled with me. "She's just a backseat driver without the cusswords. Turn here, turn there, do this, do that. I could never get away with that." 'TIaybe your husb rd take it her' lrom oecause she knows what she's talking about. And I bet she never says 'Slow down' or 'Are we there yet?"' I gave her my whose-side-are-you-on look, but I had to agree 'recalculating' is probably less annoying than 'I told you so.' "Anyway, I wouldn't be so hard on your husband," said Karen. 'Tee all know who your real BFF is." "Me? Who?" "You're pretty tight with Miss Siri iPhone. You do have a tendency to anthropomorphize." "And you have a tendency to use big words." I punched my phone and asked, "Siri, what does anthropomorphize mean?" "Anthropomorphism means the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object." "Thanks Siri. I suppose I'm seeing some human characteristics in my iPhone, but that's only because she has them." I pressed the button again and asked, "Siri, are you human?" "Close enough." "See. And she's not perfect. She interrupts me mid- text to correct my spelling. She's worthless if I forget to charge her. And her directions aren't always accurate, which is one thing we have in common. But her flaws only make her more human." "She's smarter than a human - at least she's smarter than this human," said Lilly, gazing lovingly at her iPhone. "If I ask her what 590 times 750 is, she can tell me faster than I can find her calculator to figure it out myself." "Yes," I agreed. "And she admits it when she doesn't know something. I wish more humans did that." "She never loses her temper. Not many people stay calm when you push their buttons," said Lilly. "Or drop them on their head. Or repeatedly ask them if they're human." "She's not just a companion," I said. 'WIy good friend Wikipedia calls Siri a personal assistant and knowledge navigator. I think that suits her. She does everything except clean my house - as long as I pay my cell phone bill." "So, Siri, Cortana and Alexa walk into a bar," said Zaren. "And " ' rhey fire the bartender and start taking orders. It could happen. I think they're in cahoots." "Don't get me started on Alexa," said Ann. "Today when Jeff was sprawled out on the couch watching IV, he asked Alexa to dim the lights and get him a beer." "Did she?" "I don't know. He was still waiting when I left." "I wouldn't trust her around children," said Lilly. "Have you seen those creepy commercials? She's a fake person worming her way into your family. I think she's a spy." "I think so, too," I said. "And I heard she's dating HAL." Dorothy Rosby is the author of several humor books, including I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better. lassified advertising is 25 cents a word with a $3.50 minimum and MUST be paid in advance of publication. Thank you ads of 30 words or less are $3.50 (plus 10 cents per additional word.) Bring ads to the office with payment, or drop ads and payment in our door slot after hours. You may also email ads : nd drop payment at the office, as long as we receive payment before publication. We reserve the right to accept or refuse any or all advertising. Publisher reserves the right to cancel any advertisement at any time. Call 515-981-0406 or email news@norwalknewspaper.com with questions. Deadline is noon on Friday. For Sale Services Services Services 57 Lane, 3 BR, new Norwalk Seasonal Clean Cut Tree Service kchen and bath, Services Removals, trimming, Iminated wood flooring, Lawncare, snow removal, stump grinding, brush nw windows, 1st floor irrigation, Landscaping cleanup, fully equipped fmily room, LL family design, installation, and and insured. Free consul- rom and room for 4th maintenance. Call 515-tations, 515-557-0269. bdroom; $142,900. 402-2364. CII Black Gold Realty, - 55-681-6310 Patava Concrete Taking orders for tearouts, P,blic Sale on September patios, replacement, new TurnbulrsTree Service 7h, 2019 at 3:30 pm at construction, driveways, Topping, Trimming, Tree 3 74 25th Avenue, garage slabs. FREE and Stump Removal, CJmming, Iowa 50061. Brush Clean-Up; Land lS97 International 3800/ Palen, 210-1284. Clearing. Free Estimates; T444E School Bus. Any Fully Insured. Kevin Turnbull questions, call 515-306- 515-282-7739 6063. For Lease Hate cleaning? Love cleaning? Norwex is the answer! Save you time, $, and risk of chemicals! Kim Ginkens, Norwex Ind. Consultant, 515-991-9821, KimGinkens.norwex.biz. Extra copies of the Norwalk paper can be purchased at Casey's, ~ =. &| t~um t~o, ~I[-N- Go, and Fareway. Help Wanted Farm help: Truck driver needed for harvesting in N rwalk area. Flexible hours, can be full or part time, perfect for retired person. Combine, general help; large equipment e)perience helpful. Lun- ctes provided. Call 515- 7;8-OO45. OFFICE SPACE FOR LEASE: 600 Square Feet, located on Sunset Drive. Prime location. Call Steve 515-490-9691. Help Wanted Help wanted: Help with weeding flower beds. Call 515-202-4164. BIB B m m m I I BIIIB BIBIB IIIBIB BIBII IIIBII m m IBIIBI IIIIIIIB I m I~ I : Town and County: I I I I | SUBSCRIPTION FORM II I I | For Residents of Warren & Polk CountiesII ] II | One Year $20.00 II ] ] I Senior Citizens I II (65 years or older) $17.00 II I Residents Outside of Warren | & Polk Counties add $6.00 : I I I I I II New Renewal Cancel II II I ] II Iame | I ] II tddress I I II ] II ] ] I Mail or drop off to: I I II N/Warren Town and County NewsI I I 1122 Main Street, Suite 1 I II P.O. Box 325 I II Norwalk, IA 50211 I II I m-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmJ (, It's easy to advertise in the N/Warren Town and County News classifieds. Use the form below to compose your ad, and mail or drop it by our office before 12:00 p.m. on Fridays. Use an envelope and our door slot after business hours. To keep costs down, classified ads must be paid for in advance. Classified ads are 25 per word with a $3.50 minimum. Simply count your words (phone number = 1 word) and multiply by 25 . Thank you ads of 30 words or less are $3.50, with 10 for each additional word. Classified ads must be paid in full before they will run. PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY PLEASE INCLUDE PAYMENT Name Address Phone We reserve the right to accept or refuse all adverlising. Publisher reserves the right to cancel an adverlisement at any time.